Girlfriends, so many smiling photos, some of the smiles are even genuine, what else is going on behind those smiles? I wonder if everyone is being friendly?!
Women make great friends. We are both good at being friends and we make good quality friendships whenever the conditions are ripe. I think we know in some deeply subconscious place that good friends are necessary for living life well, for wholehearted living
So with that in mind I was asked yesterday on the radio (in celebration of International Women’s Day) what advice I would give to women?! My answer was I think we need to be better friends to ourselves, to take what we know to be true and good and give it to ourselves.
This isn’t new. Nor is it rocket science, but for me its been a major perspective shift, hearing the voice in my head and working to understand what its trying to achieve. I learnt to hear it by saying my critical thoughts out loud as they arrived - “You are useless! You’ll never learn, why don’t you ever learn, what are you thinking?!” On they went, damning and mean. I would not speak to a friend or a stranger like this.
Many women will recognise a ‘voice’ in their own head, a train of thought that is busy ‘teaching’, ‘critiquing’, nagging or nit-picking our actions in an attempt to get ‘it’ right or make ourselves better.
When we decide to pause for a micro moment - notice the old thoughts - and then turn towards ourselves with a different voice, a voice of love, acceptance and friendship - seriously the tone is different. Its lighter, more encouraging and its kind. Be kind to everyone including yourself. Friends this is like having a key in your pocket as Edith Egar says and unlocking yourself.
Often I spend my time pulling at threads, trying to weave together a fuller picture of life, and find wisdom wherever it lurks/hangs out. This makes life similar to a treasure hunt, I am constantly on the lookout for gold in everyday life. And it is this gold that is found in the micro pause of recognition and the decision to speak well of ourselves inside ourselves. To be honest its contagious - I’ve started to speak well of others in a new and more dynamic way, I am more generous with my assessment of situations and people and now when my judge comes out to play I listen to her with a larger grain of salt!
Our last Sunday Sancturary radio show was all about ‘Friendship Across the Divide’ - looking into what might stop us making a friend or repairing a friendship, or acknowledging that divides exist and sometimes they are in the mind of the person who sees and feels them.
So in learning to be my own friend I have learnt how to be a better friend to let myself belong and to show up in all my human glory, bringing all that is different as well as all that connects me to my friends. Let’s talk more about it next time… here’s to being the best of friends!